An Arab
Gay Experience
The Following Was received by e-mail from a gay
Arab:
AMMAN-- I was molested by
several men when I was a child. When I became a
teenager I became very religious and tried to
block my gay fantasies, something which proved to
be very difficult. At the same time I was reading
a lot of English language publications, such as
Time, Newsweek and the Economist. There, I found
gay culture and at 19 I decided that I was gay.
It took another year for my first adult sexual
encounter. I was in medical school at the
University of Jordan. We were studying
ophthalmoscopy, the science of how to examine
someone’s eyes. A colleague proposed that we
go to a separate room in the hospital to practice
on each other, and we did.
Instead of looking at my eyes he landed at my
neck and mouth kissing and biting. I said no but
I meant yes. This started a sexual relationship.
However, since he was the active partner, he
considered himself straight and me gay. There was
a little of psychological abuse there.
We lived at the second circle. I started
walking at night like most people of the time
between the first and third circles. Soon, I
discovered people driving slowly behind me and
would also follow me into side streets. One guy
picked me up and we had sex that night. At the
end, he offered me a five dinar bill. I felt like
a prostitute and I threw the money in his face.
He did not mean harm but I took an offence at it.
The guy met me several times after that, I think
he liked me but I could never forgive him and he
knew it.
All my Arab encounters were with men who were
either married or who married later. I felt that
to be gay in a western sense is not yet an Arab
idea. This was in the years 1983-1989. Please
remember the confidentiality issue since I am not
out to my family, although I think that they
know.
30.7.98 N.S.
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